Thursday, December 21, 2006

13 Fave X-mas Flicks

Why? Because it's more than 10 and less than 15.

Lethal Weapon (Director's Cut)
NR, (1987), 117 mins. Richard Donner.

While the season is chockfull of yuletide cheer and shit, I dig a little blood. It's dark, depressing and yet still finds a little time for some heart with the Murtaugh family. Sure, the movie doesn't feel that Christmasy, but it's a Los Angeles X-mas. And the opening titles start with Jingle Bell Rock.

Die Hard

R, (1988), 131 mins. John McTiernan.

I suppose this is obvious, but it's the heart-warming true story of terrorists taking over a Japanese skyscraper that makes us ask the question, "Did you get us with the bomb or did we get you with tape decks?"


R, (1986), 87 mins. George P. Cosmatos.

Another Los Angeles X-mas yarn about some evil elves that want to take over the world and spread their disease and only one cop on the zombie squad is the cure. Yes, Marion Cobretti is back and he's got an attitude... but it's just a little one.

L.A. Confidential

R, (1997), 138 mins. Curtis Hanson.

Los Angeles is back with a vengeance loaded with police corruption and eccentric gangsters who wanna build freeways. Yes, these visionary Chris Cringles wanna contribute to the future that is the motherfuckin' Fuck-0-5.


PG-13, (1989), 126 mins. Tim Burton.

Back in 1989 Batman came out on VHS around X-mas time and was available in every gas station from here to that other gas station down the street and was playing in every home on X-mas Eve. That's about it.

Batman Returns

PG-13, (1992), 126 mins. Tim Burton.

It looks Christmasy.

The Long Kiss Goodnight

R, (1996), 120 mins. Renny Harlin.

Yes, Shane Black is back because he loves blood on X-mas. This is the heart-warming true story of a simple school teacher who has amnesia and realizes her true calling—a world class grade-A assassin. Aided by Snakes on a Plane and the original Hannibal Lector.

Jack Frost

R, (1996), 89 mins. Michael Cooney.

This low-budget attempt has one great moment. The snowman rapes Shannon Elizabeth with a carrot.

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman

R, (2000), 91 mins. Michael Cooney.

A motherfuckin' classic!


PG, (1984), 106 mins. Joe Dante.

Joe Dante directes this Christmas horror flick for the whole family. Contrary to popular belief this was NOT the first PG-13 movie, but it was one that pushed the envelope.

The Ref

R, (1994), 93 mins. Ted Demme.

Denis Leary plays a cat burglar who stumbles on a really fucked up family and its forced to play Dr. Wong, Marriage Counselor while the cops close in on him.


PG-13, (1988), 101 mins. Richard Donner.

Richard Donner, X-mas film alumni (Lethal Weapon), directs one of Bill Murray's last good films of the 80's. This is the story of a TV network CEO that is suddenly raped by the 3 ghosts of Christmas.

A Christmas Story

PG, (1983), 94 mins. Bob Clark.

This is a great story for kids what want a gun for Christmas.
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