Friday, December 19, 2008


Just in time for the holidays! James Gunn's PG-Porn: Peanus is now live on YouTube. Or you can check it out down below. Why not? You're here. The regular series begins some time in January and I believe it will air on This episode stars PG-Porn sensation Belladonna and Michael Rosenbaum of Smallville, but I like to think of him as that ridicuously awesome dude that was so awesome that he could walk around a horror film with a poodle in Urban Legend.

Once again, you can see my credit just briefly. My credit was pretty much a carry over from the last time which was designing the logo and doing the credits. But this time I did title cards like the "PG-Porn the series coming in January at the end and the 'To Be Continued'". But this was a companion job to another graphics gig I worked on for James Gunn's Sparky & Mikaela. Where I did more or less the same thing, but specifically the end titles. It's not that huge a thing, but it's certainly for a wider venue which is the Xbox Live. So, watch out for that! But in the meantime, enjoy PG-Porn: Peanus in all it's jizzeriffic glory!

Oh, and pimp the shit out of PG-Porn: Peanus with this 30-second spot. Carpet bomb the shit out of everything!


Might as well keep these together. Here's PG-Porn: A Very Peanus Christmas!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

4 Reasons Why Mark Wahlberg Pissed on a Coffee Shop

It seems like there a lot of people upset about this photo. Some folks attack TMZ for sinking to all-times lows. The thing with TMZ, and I'm not a fan, is that they have an army of photographers and video dorks running around snapping anything they can because the public demands celeb news all the time. It doesn't even have to be a story. Just a pic.

The other issue with this pic is that some folks blame some rich rockstar actor for being able to piss on whatever and where ever he wants. Okay. It seems that people who've never been to LA, let alone Venice Beach, don't seem to understand the difficulty of trying to find a public bathroom in Venice.

First. IF, that's right IF, you're able to find parking in Venice Beach, there is NOWHERE to piss let alone take a shit. And if you did find a place to piss, you'll be sharing it with some bum who's decided to take a bird bath or there won't be any toilet paper. And sometimes the stench is really toxic. I mean, hell, we can probably scraped off the grime off of Los Angeles' public rest rooms and drop a bio attack on our enemies to win whatever war we set out. And if you're someone like Mark Wahlberg, you don't wanna be going to a meeting or seeing someone smelling like you just took a piss in a Venice Beach bathroom.

Second. There is some concern that this was behind a coffee shop. I don't know the sitch, but IF you were someone as recognizable as Mark Wahlberg would you want to bust into a coffee shop just to piss? I mean, hell, some coffee shop owners are Nazis like that. They expect you do buy a cup of coffee which typically has line longer than Dirk Diggler's dick. And then you might have to ask for a key. But usually, someone has the fuckin' key and it's some bum who managed to scrape up enough change to buy a cup of coffee just so they can take a bird bath (see Westwood Village's Starbucks). By fuck. By that time you're already pissing your pants. Now, imagine how embarrassing that would be to see Marky Mark, tough kid from Boston, pissing in his Calvins. Not an image I want to see. The poor guy would probably die of humiliation.

Third. If this was some revenge tactic for hacking up a huge-ass loogie and swilling it into his java for destroying their nerdy fantasy of Planet of the Apes, then that coffee shop probably deserved it. That's right. Give 'em the Three Kings special with a side of David O. Russell wrath. And it's a good thing that TMZ or whoever took these pix cropped his license plate out of the pic or else there'd be a gang of paparazzi pissing on his lawn.

Fourth. The typical human bladder can hold up to approximately 400–620 mL. Fuck. If that shit's full and you're driving around town sucking down a bottle of water like that, and you can feel the beads of urine at the spit hole of your urethra, fuckin' pull over into the nearest alley and piss already.

Now, what typically happens is that there's always a public apology that goes along with all this crap. You know, where he's pressured by his image consultant(s) where he says, "Gee, sorry about that and I'll never do it again." Dude, they're lucky Marky Mark didn't take a shit. But that would be just fucked up because shit stink lingers. Of course, if this coffee shop is owned by someone I know... can I have a cinnamon roll?

Thursday, October 09, 2008


Almost 90,000 views in just 24 hours! Uh... check that. Close to 100,000 views!

You can even see my credit if you freeze frame it near the end.

And go and check out this Reuters article: Web TV shows porn, without the sex.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

13 Trick and Treats


It seems like I’m so behind on blogs these days. Been wanting to put out a mega Things-to-do-for-Summer blog and a summer movie blog, but I just didn’t get around to doing them. Every Halloween I try and sit down to try and sift through recommendations I have, but once again the foul beast of Busy occupies me.

This year, I have plenty of Tricks and Treats. Shit you should watch, listen to, read and all sorts of other shit in between.


I suppose I can bring up all the classics which you watch every year like Halloween, Friday the 13th, Hellraiser. Fright Night, the Michael Bay horror remakes and your assorted murder franchises. The problem is that I don’t keep up with much stuff as of late, so I’ll have to sift through my archives and pull out some gems. Starting with the killer yogurt movie from outerspace.

The Stuff

A forgotten little flick starring Devon Sawa, Jessica Alba and Seth Green. But there is a totally hilarious bit part with Vivica A. Fox as a demon huntress hunting down a demonic hand.

Idle Hands

This beach party schlocker stars a bevy of buxom babes and hot-roddin’ badasses fending off a small beachside community from a gang of atomic creatures with hotdogs stuffed into their mouths.

The Horror of Party Beach

For some reason this haunted asylum movie always seems to get overlooked. Probably one of the better possession movies out there. You might even recognize a few faces.

Session 9

How about a scary, little flick about a dead daughter… or is she?

Don’t Look Now

Or maybe Roman Polanski’s forgotten horror flick.

The Tenant

How about a kung fu vampire slayer flick?

The Vampire Effect (aka The Twins Effect)

No Halloween schlock list will be complete without the musical stylings of Guitar Wolf in Wild Zero.

Wild Zero


They don't sell these compilations on Amazon or anything, but you can pretty much find all these at Russian Horrorpunk Freax.

Paid in Black: A Tribute to Johnny Cash

01. BLITZKID - I Walk The Line

02. THE BOO BERRYS - Sam Hall


04. THE SPOOKSHOW - The Kneeling Drunkard's Plea

05. THE AGGRO-NUTS - Big River

06. MISTER MONSTER - Give My Love To Rose

07. THE GHOUL - Cry! Cry! Cry!

08. LONESOME SPURS - Folsom Prison Blues

09. NUKE AND THE LIVING DEAD - One Piece At A Time

10. THE MASSACRES - The Wreck Of The Old '97


12. PSYCHO CHARGER - Wanted Man

13. THE BANG TALE - Sunday Morning Coming Down

Spooky, Swingin' Sounds of Kreepsville Manor

"Featuring demented surf / horror garage music by... The Legendary Invisible Men, The Fuzztones, Davie Allan and The Arrows, Psycho Charger, The Nebulas, The Vooduo, The Fiends, The 3-D Invisibles, The Hollywoods, Monsters from Mars, The Von Drats, Cult of the Psychic Fetus, The Worst, The Moon-Rays, and The Hangee V. Plus, a tale of terror, and 3 bonus sound f/x!..."

Psychobilly Ratpack Lesson 2

1. Sir Psyko - Sir Psyko & His Monsters
2. Ghostrider in the Sky - Sir Psyko & His Monsters
3. Human Hunter - Sir Psyko & His Monsters
4. Cellar Dweller - Bloodsuckin' Zombies From Outer Space
5. Dead Eyes - Bloodsuckin' Zombies From Outer Space
6. Nocturnal Vacation - Bloodsuckin' Zombies From Outer Space
7. Bastard in My Mind - Moonstruck
8. Horror Rock'n'Roll - Moonstruck
9. What's the Fridge - Moonstruck
10. Tears in My Eyes - Brain Dead
11. Demon on My Side - Brain Dead
12. Daddy Long Legs - Brain Dead
13. Demon Dancing Queen - The Hounted Prisoners
14. Deeper Then Your Grave Hole - The Hounted Prisoners
15. Vampyrgirl - The Hounted Prisoners

God Save the King: A Psychobilly Tribute to Elvis

1. Nigel Lewis (Meteors,Tall Boys) with The Tombstone Brawlers - Blue Moon of Kentucky

2. Spellbound - (You're The) Devil In Disguise

3. Batmobile - (Now And Then) There's A Fool Such As I

4. Lucky Devils - Milk Cow Blues

5. Cosmic Voodoo (Fet. Jeff Roffredo of Tiger Army and Rezurex and James Meza of Rezurex, Tiger Army and Nekromantix) - Bossa Nova Baby

6. Memphis Morticians - King Creole

7. King Sleaze (Lonesome Kings) with Batmobile - Long Black Limousine

8. Guitar Slingers (Fet. Doyley of Klingonz and Demented Are Go) - CC Rider

9. Monster Klub - That's Alright Mama

10. Spinballs (Fet. Thomas Palin Ex-Small Town Pimps) - Viva Las Vegas

11. Asmodeus - Little Sister (Live)

12. Ripmen - Crawfish

13. Thee Flanders - Happy Endings

The Ultimate 50’s Rockin’ Sci-fi Disc

And a bonus treat.

Sloppy Seconds – Endless Bummer

1. D.I.Y. Till We Die!

2. Kegs R 4 Kids

3. I Don't Wanna Go Out with You

4. You Can't Kill Joey Ramone

5. Thanks for the Mammaries

6. Everybody Hates the United States

7. P.O. Box 33046

8. Endless Bummer

9. Shut Up and Pour Me a Drink

10. High School Girlz

11. Let Me See Your Driver's License

12. Lois Lane

13. Achy Breaky Skull

14. Ray

15. This Is Your Brain on Drugs

16. Nightmare Theater

17. F.F. Sucks the World

18. Action

PG-Porn Pimpin'

And I suppose this blog wouldn't be complete without reminding you fine folks that James Gunn's PG-Porn premieres with Nathan Fillion and Aria Giovanni October 8 on To find out more vist and buy all your PG-Porn shit, go to the JGAS store. Make sure you tell all your friends to watch or the scary two-headed McPalin beast will get you!

The Ablazin' Devil Head has spoken.

Oh, shit. I'm also on IMDb now. Almost forgot that.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The Porn Bomb Has Dropped!


Okay. I want to talk about a project near and dear to my penis called PG Porn. As promised my big-ass, motherfuckin’ epic blog that I’ve been itching to tell you folks about. My digital adventures with Sir James Gunn and PG Porn. I suppose it’s no longer a secret that James’s new project is a little some-some called PG Porn. It will premiere on October 8th.

James first emailed me back in March, I believe, and said “I want you to animate some logos and title cards for me”. I didn’t really know how to do that other than in Flash. So, I had to turn him down. He came back a few weeks later and said I can do the logos and someone else can do the animation. Cool. Went to work right away. The logos in question were for his production company, Good Boys Productions and a new totally top secret project called PG Porn. Man, did I do a lot of logos. Some I loved a lot more than the one he finally chose, but he’s the boss. The gallery of logos is posted below. Some of the designs were incomplete and samples of what I wanted to do, but didn’t want to waste too much time working on them until I got the bossman’s approval. I think in the end it’s probably best to do them all completely and have them look at them later. There was one concept which are two Lego figures having some sex which is based on a dingbat I found on It wasn’t meant as a full design, but a concept that I was testing out to see how far I was allowed to go. It turned out James and the boys really dug it, but had issues with a possible copyright infringement, so I went ahead and designed it into something you’ll see much later in the design process where I created these toy robots on a box of condoms called Flexoids. But then that was too much for James and I had to censor it.

While I was sitting around and waiting for him to approve some art, I acquired some editing programs and played around with this skit he’d sent me called Nailing Your Wife with Nathan Fillion and Aria Giovanni. I re-edited some of it to help me understand how to work the editing programs. I’d send them off to James and we’d have a giggle about it. After October 8th, I believe I’ll be allowed to post what I call Nailing Your Wife (The Philty Phil Cut).

Shortly after that, I was editing some of James’s movies and putting them to music.

The Creator (LolliLove)

Let it Run (SLiTHER)

Titty Twister

After all those experiments I went ahead and did this title sequence demo using Michelle Dawson’s (aka Poly Girl) animation. The widget below contains my crappy animation of the title, but Michelle’s was so much more dynamic. James said he used the title sequence as a pitch or some sort of demo for talks with

Just recently, James sent me some pix of PG Porn and I threw a quickie Flash promo together so you folks can pimp this shit out on every MySpace comments. Tell your friends and enemies. PG Porn is coming soon… all up in your face! Post it everywhere!

T-shirts and Merchandise

I was also asked to design some merchandise. There’s also lots and lots of PG Porn T-shirts and other merchat the JGAS store. So, get your shit! There are not only just PG Porn stuff but also other James Gunn-related stuff.


If you’ve survived the PG Porn portion of this blog, here’s some stuff you might find boring. Between my PG Porn and life itself, I’d finished a 125-page screenplay called Jetwash—a sci-fi flick that’s been in the works for a long time. While the script is finished and it’s still being refined I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. My agent has it now and will see how that goes. I don’t have high hopes for it. It’s pretty hard to sell a big-budget sci-fi script for a first-time writer. But who knows. It was something I wanted to write.

Still not sure what my next writing expedition will be. I keep going back and forth between my trapped-in-an-apartment crime story and my big budget fighter pilot story and my sci-fi dragon story. It’s tough to choose. I suppose it would behoove me to write a small movie seeing that they’re easier to sell for unknown writers. But some stories are just too hard to resist.

Want a Small Part-time Job?

Also, my manager is in dire need of readers and coverage writers. The readers he has now are not really the best, but for those wanting or interested in a position somewhere in the movie industry, their ya go. Keep in mind, it doesn’t pay much (if at all), but talk to Tim and see what he can do for ya. But really, you’re helping him out because he needs quality readers. Check out the Mandy link below for more info.

Or you can also contact Tim Lambert at


Been catching up on some long lost Heavy Metal Magazine issues. Hard to say how much I loved Heavy Metal because I had such a love-hate relationship with his mag. While I enjoyed many of the stories, many more were also very censored (regardless of lots of nudity) which went against the supposed mission statement of bringing you some real down and dirty sci-fi/fantasy stories. Anyway, this dude here is sharing his collection.

Heavy Metal Collection

If you find any of my antics interesting or entertaining, you will always find me at It’s the first place I go in the morning and the last thing I check at night. If you want to ask James Gunn himself a bunch of questions or just want to flash your genitals, that’s the place to be. He’s there everyday and loves to watch his fans masturbate on his chin. So, Be there or be dead!

Last Minute James Gunn Projects

Don’t forget that James’s reality show, Scream Queens, will premiere sometime in October. And his Xbox Live show will also be premiering in October along with PG Porn. So, be on the lookout. James owns the month of October like no one else. Check his MySpace page for dates and times.

James Gunn's Calendar.

Later days, better lays.

The Ablazin’ Devil Head has spoken.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Lloyd Kaufman’s Q &A, Other Whatsups and Lots of Video!

Poultrygeist and Q &A With Lloyd Kaufman

Well, here's a four part video set of Q & A from last night's POULTRYGEIST screening at the Andy Warhol Museum. Excuse the breakups between the splices because I had to save repeatedly on my camera because it has a fuckalicious tendency to run out of batteries quick.
I couldn't get many pix because they were real camera nazis at that place. But later, after the screening I was pretty comfortable using it.

The movie was pretty damn entertaining by the way. One of Lloyd's more ambitious efforts and it certainly doesn't back down from titties and splatter of every bodily ilk. Which is funny because some idiot set of parents brought an entire brigade of children and sat them down right in front of us. I'm like, "Dude, do they know what this is?" But some time before the movie started, that family up and left. So, suppose you can blame the Warhol Museum for posting "all ages" on their ads, but really, the parents were fuckin' idiots. I suppose it coulda been worse though. They coulda said, "We paid good money for this and we're gonna watch it, you little rat-faced bastards!"

So, here's some video of the event. A lot of good shit in there. I hope you have 45 miuntes to spare.

POULTRYGEIST Q & A With Lloyd Kaufman Part 1

POULTRYGEIST Q & A With Lloyd Kaufman Part 2

POULTRYGEIST Q & A With Lloyd Kaufman Part 3

POULTRYGEIST Q & A With Lloyd Kaufman Part 4

My Interview with Michael at Entertainment Vine.

Adding friends on MySpace is kinda rough on me because I don't always have time to devote to everyone. But I added this dude, Michael, writer for, a while back. I didn't know who he was, but I pretty much add anyone unless they're sex cammy girls or hip-hop bands. Anyway, he emails me about this "8 Questions with..." segment that he does. After reading the blog I realized he was one of Kim Poirier's buddies and whom I've interacted with in the past especially about Starship Troopers and the soundtrack. Anyway,
here's the interview where all I pretty much do is talk about myself. Not sure if it's gonna be on or just on his MySpace blog, but there it is.

I.D. Theft

My friend, J.C., who now calls himself Antonio Chavez because he thinks it sounds cooler, just finished starring in a movie called ID Theft (sometimes known as Identity Theft) located on the shelf just under the Lloyd Kaufman collection. I was putting together a rough reel of that film. I'm gonna have to cut it down from 11 minutes to 3, but it's not like he has a wide collection of movie and roles to choose from. You can probably recognize him as one of the Denominators in Never Been Kissed. That was during that era in his life when we partied at the Lush in Santa Monica every Friday night and when he was doing a lot of extra work. Extras are those people in the background that don't say anything, but are stricly ambience.

If you wanna be JC's friend, check him out here:

Beware: MAJOR SPOILERS. But if you never see this movie, you'll never have to after watching this.

Antonio Chavez's IDENTITY THEFT Reel


If you've decided to keep reading and viewing all the media in order, you'll probably notice that an hour out of your life is missing. I've probably run outta steam on this blog by bringing this up last to get into this, but Jetwash is nearing completion. I took a break to learn some editing and FX programs and to take care of some life issues, but I'm back. Just read through a lot of the pages. I cut many pages setting me up around 109 pages total. Then I went ahead and started adding stuff and now I'm at 118 pages and still have to wrap up the third act. But it will be done shortly.

I suppose I've run out of space to talk about the best places to download comics and forgotten music, but I'll have to get to that at another time.
I've also got more news to announce in a few weeks, so it'll have to wait till then.

Later days,

The Ablazin' Devil Head has spoken

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Top Secret Projects Revealed, Your Birthday Wishes, Friggin’ in the Riggin’ & Good Ship Venus

Get your own at Profile

I guess I’ve been gone for a while. Well, not really gone, but kinda working. Been trying to finish a couple of scripts I wanna send off to my agent. It’s gonna be a double-whammy. A space opera called Jetwash and an adventure yarn called Island Macabre which a couple of you have been reading.


In 1992, this started at one point with a kitchen sink of ideas called Heavy Cage I brainstormed with an old Army buddy in basic training. But unfortunately, it was just a bunch of epic ideas thrown together with way too many characters and no real story or anywhere to go. Then in 1995 I took another stab at it but this time focusing on one concept and creating a new character, Mr. Melee. I decided to turn it into a full-on space opera like Flash Gordon or Buck Rogers. For one reason or another the story kept getting bigger and less controllable. Then I put Mr. Melee away again and focused on other scripts. In fact, more than 30 scripts. In 2007, I decided to revisit the prospect of revamping Mr. Melee into something that’s now called Jetwash. Mr. Melee is no longer the lead, but is part of a team of disbanded fighter pilots that uncover an intergalactic conspiracy. I got about 90+ pages in when I realized I really should turn in another story to make it’s easier for my agent to market me as a writer instead of just banking on my kids script. So, I did a quick, scan of my Island Macabre serial.

Island Macabre

I adapted the serial into a screenplay in a matter of five days. The hard part was trying to figure out the last few episodes of the serial and making it a complete script. That took another couple weeks. Anyway, it’s done and pretty damn happy with it.

Island Macabre wasn’t always called Island Macabre. At one point like say in 1994, it was a contemporary western set in Texas caves searching for a legendary old outlaw’s loot while being chased by bounty hunters, sky pirates and state troopers. That little desert yarn was called Pay Dirt. For one reason or another I couldn’t make that story work. Not sure why. I would always lose interest. I suppose I could still write a structured story, but if I’ve lost the initial interest, then I didn’t want to continue. I think a lot of it had to do with way too many characters and triple-crossed and quadruple-crosses.

Then in 1999, I had a Word World II story called Skeleton Crew about 5 Allied prisoners sent into post-war Berlin to seek out and bring back Hitler’s head as proof of his death to clear their names. Another concept that never really worked out the way I wanted and lost interest. Then some time in 2005 I wanted to do a movie about a zombie samurai island. What I did is take elements of Pay Dirt and Skeleton Crew that mutated into a story called The Hard Way to Hell and then later when the characters started to pan out, Island Macabre. Then it finally became more of NOT what I wanted, but more of what I liked. So, now I have a character that’s dumb enough to go head-on into a horde of samurai undead with a broken Swiss Army knife.

CUT! 2008

In between all that I’ve also been working on some things for the CUT! Film Fest that some of you went to between March 29-30. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go to the CUT! so, my contribution were these two thingies I did for the SLiTHER panel and one for the Wrath of Gods panel. You can buy merch with these designs at the links below. http://www.cafepress/cut2008

Birthday Wishes

Lastly, I’d like to take some time to thank you fine folks for the birthday wishes. I was rushing around trying to get things done that I didn’t really stop to smell my birthday.

So, here it is:

Mike D: Happy easter, and early Happy Birthday!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, man, but a dude who calls himself The Ablazin’ Devil Head, isn’t all into celebratin’ the birthday of christ. That’s right. Little c.

Melissa Joan Hart: Happy birthday!

When it comes from Melissa Joan Hart, a simple "Happy Birthday" is what a simple brother needs.

Joseph 08: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m not going to make you page more of a hassle to load by including an image. Instead I offer words. Words of a great year to come for you, full of happiness and joy.

Fuck. I was really lookin’ forward to the penis pic. But this so-called great year is only kick-ass so far. I suppose I owe that much to you, Joseph.

Stephanie, Princess Cupcake: Happy Birthday, Cock Sucker Mother Fucker.

Motherfucker and cocksucker on the same cake? An odd image indeed.

Ed: Happy Birthday ye olde Fart!

Avast, ye oldest flatulent, happy birthday back.

Heidi aka The Heidster: Hope you have a terrific birthday!!!!

I wish I knew. I totally forgot what I did. But thanks anyway. I’m sure I drank. Not sure. I guess if I’m not sure, I probably did.


Yeah, thanks. Who’re you?

((( Dreamer School ))): hello, The Ablazin’ Devil Head

i want 2 sing a song 4 u

happy birthday 2 u..
happy birthday 2 u..
happy birthday 2 u..
happy birthday 2 u....................

don’t forget 2 make 3 wishes b4 blowing out 18 candles..


((( dreamer school ))) music
make dreams come true together!

Yeah, I was embarrassed all to hell from the last class that sing a happy birthday to me in front of everyone. Was not a fan. So, I’ll accept a simple mouthing of the words. Oh yeah, thanks.

Party like a rock star :) because I love you so much, and it’s your birthday send me an email to curiouslovesyou@gmail. com with your favorite song of mine, and I’ll email you an MP3 of that song!! Wishing you the best year yet!


The Divine Madness: Birthday Wishes and Kisses my friend:)
Lady V + DM

I wonder if the free Mp3 is still good. Oh wait, you didn’t say free did you?

The Good Ship Venus and Friggin’ in the Riggin’

Both Good Ship Venus and Friggin’ in the Riggin’ play a pretty big part in character development in Island Macabre. They’re both in the player above. Basically, Good Ship Venus is drinking song the was supposed to be shocking ly dirty. I suppose it is depending on what era you lived in, but the Sex Pistols wanted to make sure it was raunchy enough, so they re-did it. Here are the lyrics to both.

The Good Ship Venus
Aboard the good ship Venus,
You really should have seen us,
With a figurehead of a whore in bed,
And a mast of a phallic genus
The captain of the lugger,
Was known as a filthy bugger,
Declared unfit to shovel grit,
From one ship to another.
The cabin boys name was Chipper,
A Randy little nipper,
He made a pass with a broken glass,
And circumcised the skipper.
The first mate’s name was Morgan,
By gosh, he was a gorgon,
From half past eight he played till late,
Upon the captain’s organ
The captain’s wife was Charlotte,
Born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.
The captain’s daughter, Mabel,
Though young, was fresh and able,
To fornicate with the second mate,
Upon the chartroom table.
The captain’s younger daughter,
Was washed into the water,
Her plaintive squeals announced that eels,
Had found her sexual quarter.
The ship’s dog’s name was Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground that faithful hound
From Teneriff to Dover.
And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sunk, in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.

Friggin’ in the Riggin’

It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ, ya shoulda seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast was a mammoth penis

The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one place to another

Friggin’ in the riggin’
Friggin’ in the riggin’
Friggin’ in the riggin’
There was fuck all else to do

The captains name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day sweet tunes he’d play
On his fuckin’ organ

The first mate’s name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper.
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor


The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
Till they crushed his cock with a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy

The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fuckin’ nipper
So he stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper


The Captain’s wife was Mabel
To fuck she was not able
So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the barroom table

The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
Delighted squeals revealed that eels
Had found ’er sexual quarters
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